It’s really weird. This is the place I liked the most and at the same time I felt the worst. I  mean physically bad. Not a big deal, at least this is what I thought, but now it’s almost a week, it seems it’s getting better and then I feel bad again with added  symptoms…I don’t like the idea to see a doctor, but I guess I will have to.

It’s weird, because despite the fact that I’m feeling like that, I don’t want to go away from this place. Yesterday while I was freaking out with my stomach on fire and my exploding head, I had a breakdown, probably the first serious one since I left, and thought that maybe it’s all a mistake, I’m just wasting time and I will be just more lost.. Do I want to reopen the doors I shuttered?  And I wondered where I would have liked to be: in Italy? In Madrid? Back to Australia?

I would really like to have some people close to me, can’t deny that. But at the same time I know that there was nothing left to do for me there. And here?

My days just fly and I don’t do anything special. I had the intention to go to some yoga classes, but they are not as cheap as I thought, so I dropped the idea.  Sometimes I meet people from Couchsurfing, sometimes I wander around, other times I go the library, I get lost in the Art Market, I try different restaurants.What strikes me is that I  don’t get bored for that. Usually when I’m in a new place, I get info on the places to visit in the nearby, the must-see, etc and I’m eager to see as much as I can, “because who knows if I will go back?”. In Ubud, I’m not doing that. Yes, I’ve been to the Rice Terraces, Tirta Empul, Kintamani, but there would be plenty of other places to see, all Bali still to be visited!

Ubud is  not big at all. The main activities are concentrated in a few streets, that I already know by heart, passing there more times in a day. The taxi drivers in the street instead of asking: Taxi? Taxi? as the first days, now they ask me: How are you today Miss Maria?

 When I arrived here and started going through the markets, I saw many nice objects and decorations..once I thought: That would be really nice for the house…wait, which house!? I don’t have one.

The other day I surprised myself looking at the prices for renting places here….so I don’t know what’s happening to the little gypsy! I have an exit flight, the visa will expire…mumble, mumble..

This place is captivating…and I think it’s for the people above all.

I like talking with the locals in the shops, in the restaurants or with the drivers, interesting conversations come out. One told me: you are a person that thinks too much (who?Me?? Naaaaaaaaaaa) because of the shadows below my eyes . Another one: you have a big problem in your life. (Who hasn’t!? You mean the fact that I don’t know what to do with my life? Could be…) for my crazy skin (now even my hair turned wavy, don’t know why).The funny thing is that I didn’t say anything about me, they just started like that…maybe it’s something true for the majority of people.  Then we started talking how to focus just on the present, not on the memory of the past, not on the planning of the future. Easy to say, more difficult to do. And we talked about meditation and healers. I asked about Ketut Liyer (do you remember Eat-Pray-Love?) to at least 5 locals and they all laughed. He’s known now as Ketut Liar..he’s more a businessman than a palm reader (he’s not a healer, that is another thing). Slightly less than 25 euros fixed price for the  session where he will keep saying the same things: you are pretty, you will live  until 100, you will have a lot of success. From Eat-Pray-Love to Eat-Pay-Leave as the T-shirt of a restaurant claims.

I’m curious, but skeptical about that. I think that we can be just the healers of ourselves.

If I try, I will tell you…in the meantime, I will try to recover!